I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
