He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
