I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
