she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
i out mim tonsoeep
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
