He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
