Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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