This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
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I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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