jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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