he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
