hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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