Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
