he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
