I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
