Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
