I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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