if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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