i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
