I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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