my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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