if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Everyone says I win the strip club
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize