ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
