She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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