make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
