she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
