TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
