yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
