who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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