dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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