i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
