you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
