At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
