Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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