I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
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You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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