i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
