Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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