I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize