My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
