I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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