winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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