you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize