the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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