I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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