Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
