Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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