$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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