hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
