a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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