You work out of a Hotel?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
