I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
