Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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