Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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