All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
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My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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