can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
they're like a gay fantastic four
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
