We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
