HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
