bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
