Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
