ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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