just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
