There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
