i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
