i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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