he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
