Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
