as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
