i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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