my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
