I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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