Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
