so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
