if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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