I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
