exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
